Wednesday, April 18, 2012

CM2.00 - A Tenebrum Advert


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Tenebrum Cognito FAQ

Q: What is Cognito?
A: Cognito is the latest showpiece in Tenebrum's top-of-the-line arsenal of hardware. It's an all-in-one creche that combines information with invulnerability.

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Q: So it's a deck?
A: Yes.

Q: Why do I want Cognito?
A: When you need personal security, Cognito can put you out of reach of unpredictable consequences, yet allow you to stay in touch with the world.

Q: Are you saying I can hide in this thing?
A: As a matter of fact, that's exactly what we're saying.

Q: How does it hide me?
A: In two ways. The first way is that it is installed to match the surrounding environment--

Q: Camo's nice. What if they find me anyhow?
A: Cognito's armored casing can withstand a blast equivalent to that of a small thermonuclear device.

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Q: Cool. What about a BIG thermonuclear device?
A: In that case, it doesn't matter if they find you or not, does it?

Q: Hey, I'm asking the questions here. That's just great--the sarcophagus of the future. Okay, so I'm hiding. What happens when I have to, um, go potty?
A: Cognito provides full organic and aerobic recycling and distillation for up to seven straight days.

Q: So I won't suffocate either?
A: Right. It might, however, get a bit stuffy. For an additional fee, you can choose from a selection of air fresheners.

Q: Ick. You said it's a deck. Camo won't do me any good if someone runs a scan on the premises for anything resembling CPU activity.
A: That's the second thing. Cognito is sealed and insulated to prevent electro-magnetic radiation leakage.

Q: That sounds too good to be true. Where does all the radiation go?
A: Part of it is recycled back into battery power for the creche's consumption. The remainder is stored as heat in the layers of the creche's armor.

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Q: But then I'd be found by an infrared scan.
A: The casing will store the heat internally, with no leakage, for up to ten days without ventilation in most circumstances. If you haven't ventilated within seven days, you'll be dead anyway (or wishing you were), so that's really a non-problem. However, heat storage can be extended by implementing our patented Optimal Heat Leak feature.

Q: Okay, I'll bite. What's an Optimal Heat Leak feature?
A: You can (and should) customize Cognito for its environment by having it mimic the heat output of its surroundings. That way it doesn't show up as a "hole" in the infrared scan you mentioned. Thus, in certain environments, Cognito will vent the stored heat in patterns similar to those around it. Be aware that this is a static process and requires pre-programming.

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